Confession time. I don’t have an ULTIMATE BIAS. Or, I guess the truth is I have somewhere in the neighborhood of 61 ultimate biases, which, by very definition means that I don’t have an ULTIMATE BIAS (UB). I have a very special relationship with a certain rapper and until recently I was all pathetically dreamy eyed at a soon to be married actor (I buried those squiggly feelings the moment his engagement was announced…I can’t be that kind of fan). But I have yet to be chosen by an idol for realsies. And we all know this is how it happens, we don’t get to choose whom it is we love, we are chosen by them.
As a fellow lover of many, I have had an alarming number of discussions with KpopontheDL on what makes a UB. What combination of your insides clench when you see him or her (is it just the heart? Heart and guts? Are the lady/man bits involved?) How does this redefine your relationship with the approximately 60 other contenders for the position? Whom should you even be looking at for the role in the first place? This is serious business. This is your fantasy life partner we’re talking about. A possible break up with this idol would be just as painful as the end of a real life relationship. Is this something I even want? Is this something I’m even capable of?
I have found myself eyeballing different idols and holding them up to my list of favorite things (ears that stick out, lovely hands, tattoos, beauty marks, terrible hair, a dash of vulnerability, a sense of humor) and trying to measure their standing using both my internal fifteen year old self and my hard earned sense of relationship maturity. I don’t want someone who’s too much of a beagle, I’ll get annoyed. I can’t fully love someone who’s too young because that’s just creepy. I have an issue choosing someone who is in the same group as another contender because what if my heart says one thing but my mind or body says another and the boys end up getting angry with each other. I can’t be the reason that B.A.P. breaks up. And finally, to the point of this particular post, I don’t want someone who’s too broken. I mean, I’ve done the fragile artist/bad boy thing in real life and it’s hard. Like REALLY hard. Why would I want my fantasy boyfriend to be that complicated? That way lies heartache.
In truth, I’ve done pretty well in narrowing my list of potential UB’s down to a solid dozen, give or take. They are all fabulous and uniquely suited for the position. It was a lot of work to get to this point. And then WHAM, out of nowhere a dark horse emerged and he will not be shunted aside. Nam Tae Hyun, formerly of Winner and currently of South Club – a co-ed group of his own creation, is all up in my grill and making me uncomfortable. Even before leaving Winner and YG he ticked off so many boxes on my list (ears, hands, bad hair, vulnerability, etc.). He was always scrappy, bucking the odds and making shit happen. Hell, he composed and was the lead vocalist for much of Winner’s early stuff and he’s DEAF IN ONE EAR. That can’t be easy. Especially not in the idol world.
Winner, I’m Young
And now that he’s on his own, label-less and making a name for himself outside of the Kpop system, he’s even hotter. But he also seems so much more fragile. As KpopontheDL put it, it seems like one bump, one scratch, and he’ll lose everything. He’s been criticized for smoking and cursing during shows, he’s publically admitted to being completely broke (his studio also serves as his apartment), and one of the reasons YG claimed that he wasn’t active with Winner in the end was mental illness. Stephanie assured me that he actually NEEDS my love, so I shouldn’t fight it. But I’m not sure I have the internal fortitude to take on another set of struggles. Alix, my honest to god KB4Life, doesn’t get the feelings I have coursing through me for this particular wonder-boy. She acknowledges his loveliness, but not his pure animal magnetism. Which just serves to make it feel special. I have a need to love on the idols that don’t get as much attention. And he hasn’t been getting it lately.
GAHHHHH!!!! I can’t do this. I can’t be in love with ANOTHER broken artist with addictive tendencies and a proclivity for self destruction. So I am doing what every sane woman does. I’m going to obsessively watch all of his old and new videos over and over, listen to his songs and albums, look up photos, watch his dramas/web dramas and basically fawn all over him in an effort to get him out of my system.
It’ll totally work. I swear.
You can tell because I’ve barely even said his name in this whole post.
Nam Tae Hyun, Untitled 2014 (G Dragon) Cover
He’s beautiful. And talented. And I’m totally going to kick this before bad things happen. I watched his Dingo interview on YouTube and he looked all together and responsible and charming and sweet. Totally not something I should have seen. It didn’t help the cause. I’d put the song Hug Me here, but I’ve already included it in a Musical Monday, so that would be lame. So here’s another one…it reminds me of the Black Crowes…whom I also loved desperately in my younger days.
South Club, Dirty House
I’ll keep you posted on my UB status in the future. Anyone out there have the luck or misfortune of finding yours? Were you pleased? Does it hurt? Sigh.