Musical Monday: FFT

Posted by Alix on April 6, 2020


Because life is nothing but constant change, especially right now, we decided to keep the mixup going (and it was going to be way too hard to pry Stephanie away from Nu’est). In reflecting on last week’s post I realized I don’t need or want to talk about the technicalities of a song but about why I picked the song and what it evokes for me…the feels it gives I guess you could say. 

I’m a big Brene Brown fan and if you are not familiar with her I encourage you to go check her out. I discovered her about 9 years ago when I was trying to figure out where my life was going and have been following her work ever since. She just started a podcast a couple of weeks ago and in the first episode talks about what she calls FFT or Fucking First Time. Basically what happens when you jump into something new or life takes a turn that you weren’t expecting. I think we can agree that for all of us this pandemic is a Fucking First Time and we are all figuring out how to navigate this new world. For me navigating this Fucking First Time pandemic is like being on an endless, never-ending roller coaster. I have moments where I’m fine and life feels almost normal with its usual steady grind. And then somehow (reading the news, hearing from my sister who is a frontline healthcare practitioner) I am suddenly hurtling down the steep side towards the ground, stomach in my throat gripping with white knuckles. As with every roller coaster, it eventually levels out and there is a moment of calm before we start the climb back up again. 

One of the things that helps me with feeling slightly more normal is watching dramas (lots of dramas, probably way too many dramas) and I found today’s song in the OST for Find Me in Your Memory. Jooyoung (Kim Joo Young) is a singer-songwriter under Starship Entertainment and when I saw that both SaraG and KpopontheDL follow him on Instagram I knew I was on the right track. SaraG did a Throwback post on him a couple of years ago where you can read all the details on his career.

For me, this song mimics the feeling of the roller coaster and that’s what I love about it. It has both the quiet reflective moments, the calm before the storm and then builds towards the top and then you are over the other side. Yet, even within the louder stronger emotions of the music, there is still a note of optimism. It seems to signal that even if this is one of the most surreal Fucking First Times any of us have ever had, there will be an end, and we are and will continue to figure out how to navigate through this. 

1 Comment

  • Reply SaraG April 6, 2020 at 8:25 am

    He’s so extremely talented as a song writer and a singer. This is a great pairing of emotion to song. Good OST for our disaster drama. Thank you!

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