It’s been rough. Yesterday, as I’m attempting to write a post about the horrible murders in Atlanta and the #StopAsianHate, literally watching an online forum put on by the local police department about hate crimes, I received news about the Boulder shooting. New to the site? Myself and all of the crew are located here in Denver. My office is one exit away from where the tragedy occurred. Instead of doing my post, instead of doing anything, I just watched news report after news report, each one saying the same thing, each one with first very little and then with increasingly horrible information, crying in anger, in fear, in hopelessness. All of the Denver peeps are okay and today at work I received news that all of my coworkers are safe too.
I just can’t believe we’re back here, again and again, and again. It’s enough to make us lose hope. Enough to make me say, that’s cool, I’ve learned I don’t even need to leave my house. Until time passes, we forget…and it happens again. And yet, we will keep moving, will pick up, and will continue to go forward, as that’s what we humans do but with each of these events, with all of the boiling and rising hate and fear, we’ll never quite be the same. Noises aren’t just noises. Nowhere is safe.
I started this site as a happy place to talk about my evolving love of Asian cultures, documenting my explorations. While I’m on the fringes, it’s hard to see a community I love, cultures I’ve come to respect being treated so disrespectfully. And I think everyone here feels the same. You have to or else why would you even be here? When I say #StopAsianHate I’m talking at you, someone who feels the same, someone just as horrified. We’re two people, talking at each other, but hopefully, through there what we say, how we act, maybe someone else will here, maybe we can affect others.
Do I believe that? Frankly, no.
But as I’ve said, it’s been a really bad week, a really bad day. I’m having a bad day, and yet I’m sitting here at my outlet, talking it out to you, and not going out and murdering. Imagine that.
I don’t know where I’m going with this except to say I’m sad, I’m tired, and I’m looking forward to not feeling that way anymore. Tomorrow I’ll focus on that. Today though, there are several more news reports I have to obsessively watch before bed.
I love you all, try to stay safe.
1 Comment
Thank you Stephanie. There is so much need out there in the world for simple respect, human kindness and awareness of mental health that it can be soul crushing to keep obsessively watching. I’m not sure if there is anything I can say right now but please take care of yourself and those you love. I had a friend die elsewhere this week and I am going out today on this rainy awful day to get yarn to knit a shawl in her memory.